I’ll have the usual…

Hello everybody! Sorry I’ve been absent. Not that much crazy stuff has happened (well, that’s not necessarily true, but I there are some things that are just weird with no entertainment value.)

This post is something that my other blog audience loved: I took 10 minutes and made a list of all the drinks I start making as soon as I see their people walk in the door. So don’t fault your barista if she asks you 3 times if you want whipped cream. We’ve got a lot on our minds. 🙂 Enjoy!

* skim white mocha no whip

* medium decaf coffee

* triple medium breve

* double dark shot-in-the-dark

* large dark and a chocolate chip muffin

* medium mocha and bagel with butter

* a mocha frappuccino and a orangesicle smoothie. At 6:35 in the morning.

* large house blend

* two small lattes with whatever milk I have on hand (although last time it was a small and a medium, and that really screwed me up for a little bit)

* large house lots of room for cream

* chai breve extra hot

* medium latte around 135 degrees.

* orange juice

* Pepsi (then diet Pepsi when he gave up sweets, then water when he gave up pop for lent)

* triple iced vanilla americano

* triple iced vanilla latte with soy

* small filled all the way to the top with a bagel and a biscotti

* medium flavor with two pumps of almond and two almond sprinkle biscotti

* large flavor (and sometimes a large house for her friend)

* medium house with amaretto flavoring

* medium house with two pumps of chocolate (in a travel mug)

* medium house with sugar-free raspberry (also in a travel mug)

* medium mocha 2% no whip and a cinnamon crumb cake

* medium caramel latte whole milk with whip and a cinnamon crumb cake (strangely- for the same guy who ordered the drink above, but different employees bring it)

* small house (actually there are about four of those)

* small dark

* small dark (the nephew of the other small dark)

* as many cinnamon muffins as we have

* medium coffee with one shot of espresso

* double shot of espresso

* double shot of espresso, iced tea with one pump blackberry and two pumps raspberry, and a biscotti.

* dirty chai with soy

* medium mocha with soy no whip

* two medium decafs and a pastery IN A CARRIER!

* three shot small cappuccino

* medium whole milk cappuccino with honey

* English Breakfast tea with 2% milk (although sometimes a hot chocolate with whip)

* hot chocolate with whip AND CHOCOLATE DRIZZLE!

* vanilla chai skim extra hot

* small coffee in a ceramic cup

* varietal iced tea

* small decaf lots of room

* medium coffee in a ceramic cup with a bagel and cream cheese

* small coffee, a pastry, and a toasted bagel with cream cheese and jelly.

…and you’re probably as sick of this as I am!

Welcome to the mind of a barista. This is why she forgets if you want whipped cream or not.

Not a morning person

I have a few questions for the people on their cell phones at 6 AM:

1) Why are you so loud?

2) How are you in such a good mood?

but most importantly…

3) WHO THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING TO THIS EARLY?

Mr. Feeny-ist

There is a man who insists on calling our medium roast, “the caffeiniest.” Yes, that sounds like “the caffeen-ee-ist.” It makes me think of this guy:

Babel

Lady: Do you read Spanish?

Me: I’m sorry?

Lady: Do you read Spanish!

Me: Not well.

Lady: Then why do you have that? (points to Spanish language newspaper)

Me: Because other people do.

Just checkin’

(A man walks in, goes straight to me at the counter.)

Me: Hello! What can I get for you today?

Man: Nothing. I just wanted to see if you’re ready for Christmas.

Me: Ok.

Man: Well are you?

Me: Yeah!

Man: Okay, good.

(leaves)

Lock Pick 2000

Want to know how to impress a table full of well-dressed business people?

Not by remembering their usual order- Medium skim vanilla latte at 130 degrees, small coffee, and bottle of water. That earns me an approving smile but no chatter.

Unlock the bathroom door with an old gift card labeled “Lock-Pick 2000,” however, and they are eating out of palm of my hand.

Manage THIS!

This is one of my favorite stories. It happened at this store, but on a weekend, to one of my friends. His name (for our purposes) is Dan.

So, a woman orders a drink. She sits at a table and drinks it. Everything seems fine. After she’s finished the drink, however, she comes up to the counter with the empty cup in her hand.

“This was terrible!” she says. “I want my money back.”

Dan looks at the very empty cup. “I’m sorry, I can’t give your money back.”

“But it was awful!”

He gives her a look. “I can’t give refunds when people drink the whole drink. You liked it enough to drink the whole thing.”

She berates him about it for a long time. He stands his ground.

She gets fed up.

“I want to talk to your manager!”

“Okay,” he says. “His name is Daniel. He’s not here right now, but this is his number.”

She walks outside, stands by the window, and calls the number from her cell phone.

The phone in the shop rings.

Dan picks up.

“Hello, this is Daniel…”

That’s right, folks. He gave her the number of his own store.

Pantyhose tips

Excerpt from an overheard cell phone conversation:

*giggles* “No! The way you put on pantyhose is by scrunching it all up at the bottom! Then you slide it up your leg! …

I hope you sober up before you get to work.”

Pigtails

Man: Where’s my friend with the pigtails?

Me: Um, I don’t know…

Man: With the pigtails!

Me: I don’t know him…

Man: It’s a her! With two pigtails! She works here!

Me: Maybe she works on the weekends. Do you usually come on the weekends…?

Man: No, I’m just here today. She has the pigtails!

Me: I’m sorry… I don’t know who you’re talking about…

Man: Will she be working later today? Pigtails? You know… black hair with pigtails!

Me: No, she won’t be working today. I don’t know who you’re talking about.

Man: Oh. Okay.