Free cookies

Please don’t buy a cookie for the cute little girl who is hanging around my counter.

What you see is a cute little girl all by herself who gets only a free ice water. What you don’t see is that she will come back every day for at least two weeks and hang around the counter some more, hoping for more free cookies. She is not hungry- she comes here frequently and buys her own cookies (or fruit salad) with her own money. A free cookie will not help her in the least.

If you want to help this little girl (or the person you perceive her to be), donate books to her pitiful city public school library. Donate to the food pantry. Give your children’s old coats to a coat drive. Help the local the homeless women and children’s shelter. Volunteer your time at the Boys and Girls club. Yeah, those things are a lot harder than buying a cookie for a cute little girl, but they’re also a lot more helpful.

Do you really want her to grow up thinking that if she’s just cute enough and sad enough and helpless enough, strangers will buy her cookies?

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Variations on a pot theme

This is a common conversation:

Me: Sir, you smell very strongly of something illegal.
Man: Oh… okay…
Me:  So you’ll have to leave.
Man: Oh! Okay. (packs up and leaves)

A lot of times, the conversation goes something like this:

Me: Sir, you smell very strongly of something illegal.
Man: I wasn’t smokin’ none.
Me: But you smell like you were.
Man: But I wasn’t!
Me: It doesn’t matter to me if you were or if you weren’t. The fact is, you smell like pot and you can’t stay in here smelling like pot. People bring their kids here and cops come in here all the time.
Man: Oh. But I wasn’t smoking it.
Me: It doesn’t matter. You smell like it. You have to leave.
Man: Fine. (leaves)

But my favorite time, it went like this:

Me: Sir, you smell very strongly of something illegal.
Man: Thank you. (leaves)

Thank you?