When you put it that way…

Guy: I’ll have a medium… light roast. Whatever’s lightest. Just black, no room.

Me: Okay.

Guy: Sorry, I’m not used to this whole coffee thing.

Me: Not used to coffee and you’re taking it black? That’s impressive! Most people load it down with cream and sugar.

Guy: Well, I figure if you’re gonna take heroin you don’t want to cut it with corn syrup, you know?

Me: Yeah…! That would really… kill your high…


(Man looks at me accusingly)

“That hot chocolate you gave me really did a number on me yesterday. I almost didn’t make it back to my office!”

Because it’s my fault that you consumed 32 ounces (that’s one quart) of hot whole milk, chocolate, and whipped cream in under an hour.

Also… if it was that bad, why did you come back?