Man: (puts the restroom key on my counter) How much fecal matter do you think is on that?

Yeah, I didn’t know what to say either. So I just smiled and said, “A lot.”

Full moon= crazy stuff

Here is a word-for-word text from the guy who works the shift after mine:

“Since I’ll probably forget to tell you, I just tossed a guy for repeated flapping his arms like wings and then cackling to himself. This was after me telling him to calm down twice.”