Woman: Will you be working tomorrow?
Woman: Neither will I! Will I see you on Monday?
Me: Nope, I’ve got Monday off too.
Woman: Who’s taking your place? I hope it’s not that guy.
Me: I think it’s Dan.
Woman: Oh no! I hate Dan! He’s such an idiot!
Me: I think he’s nice.
Woman: He’s not nice! He’s a jerk!
Me: Well I like him. Have a good holiday!
Sheesh, lady! Don’t badmouth my friends!
A woman just asked me where the nearest Panera Bread was.
Come on, lady.
There’s a man who brings his six-year-old daughter in to my shop twice a week. Usually they’re on their way to school or to play tennis.
Today he was wearing her Hello Kitty backpack.
Me: Hi! What can I get for you?
Him: You don’t know by now?
Okay, buddy. First of all, I see you about once per week. I recognize your face. I remember that once you brought a baby in here. But I see hundreds of people every day. Second, it’s Monday. Have a little decency. Third, you ordered a medium coffee. It is easily the least memorable drink on our menu. So no! I don’t know by now! If you want a list of regulars’ drinks I can rattle off from memory, go here. I promise! I am a smart lady!
I just let somebody believe that we had sold our last everything bagel.
I want to take it home for lunch.
A man just came in with his face tattooed like one of these creepy Day of the Dead clowns.
Yes, his face was tattooed to look like this.
Then he got into his SCHOOL BUS and drove away, school kids in tow.
A woman just tried to pay with a casino card.
Man: Excuse me do you have any work I could do in exchange for some coffee or food.
Me: No, I’m sorry I’m not allowed to do that.
Man: Thank you. Do you have any writings to submit to my magazine.
Me: No. Um… not at this time. Sorry.
Man: Thank you. (flashes me the “Live long and prosper” sign. Walks out the door, talking to himself but I can hear, “I love rap music forever,” and continues to show me the “Live long and prosper” sign all the way past the big windows and out of sight.)
There is a man loudly reciting his credit card number, bank account number, phone number, and address over his cell phone.
Anyone want an identity?