Lock Pick 2000

Want to know how to impress a table full of well-dressed business people?

Not by remembering their usual order- Medium skim vanilla latte at 130 degrees, small coffee, and bottle of water. That earns me an approving smile but no chatter.

Unlock the bathroom door with an old gift card labeled “Lock-Pick 2000,” however, and they are eating out of palm of my hand.

New Policy

We have a new policy here. At the end of the night, the closer has to check the bathrooms and leave the door propped open as proof.

Wanna know why?

Because a while ago, the opener at a coffee shop down the street (from a very popular international chain, ahem) found a dead guy in the bathroom.

Yep, the closer didn’t check the bathroom at the end of the night, so when the opener retrieved the key, he found that it was still locked in the bathroom, as well as a man who’d had a fatal brain aneurism.



(Man looks at me accusingly)

“That hot chocolate you gave me really did a number on me yesterday. I almost didn’t make it back to my office!”

Because it’s my fault that you consumed 32 ounces (that’s one quart) of hot whole milk, chocolate, and whipped cream in under an hour.

Also… if it was that bad, why did you come back?


“Sorry, you’ll have to use the men’s room…”

People are always locking the bathroom key inside the bathroom. We try to curb this problem by attaching the keys to foot-long metal rulers, but it still happens about once per day. It is not a blog-worthy occurrence.

Today, however, somebody took the bathroom key home. Ruler and all.

That, my friends, deserves a blog post. 🙂

(Don’t worry, she brought it back.)