Seeking: A Barista…

I went back to the old stomping grounds a week ago and also visited the deli next door.

The deli guy said there had been a lot of turnover since I left.

Guess death threats weren’t in the job description


Lady: I want a medium mocha with an extra shot in a large cup. With extra whipped cream.

Me: So… you want a large mocha?

Lady: No! I want a medium mocha with an extra shot in a large cup! With extra whipped cream!

Me: (sigh) Okay…

Reward me!

A guy was digging in his pockets to pay for his coffee…

Him: Ow! My arms hurt. From protesting. You know, from carrying the sign and protesting.

Me: Oh! Wow. What are you protesting?

Him: I saved these two people from a car. It was a near explosion!

Me: That’s great! So… what are you protesting?

Him: I didn’t get no reward!

Me: Um… what?

Him: I didn’t get no reward! I saved two people from a near car explosion and didn’t get nothing for it!

Me: So you’re protesting the fact that you didn’t get a reward for saving two people’s lives?

Him: Yeah! There are explosions! Fires! Shootings! Everywhere! All over tv!

Me: I’m pretty sure that those people don’t all get rewards.

Him: (shrugs)

Me: Some people might say that saving two lives is its own reward.

Him: (shrugs) I guess so.

The more I think about it, the more I think he meant to say, “award.” At least, I hope so. 

Variations on a pot theme

This is a common conversation:

Me: Sir, you smell very strongly of something illegal.
Man: Oh… okay…
Me:  So you’ll have to leave.
Man: Oh! Okay. (packs up and leaves)

A lot of times, the conversation goes something like this:

Me: Sir, you smell very strongly of something illegal.
Man: I wasn’t smokin’ none.
Me: But you smell like you were.
Man: But I wasn’t!
Me: It doesn’t matter to me if you were or if you weren’t. The fact is, you smell like pot and you can’t stay in here smelling like pot. People bring their kids here and cops come in here all the time.
Man: Oh. But I wasn’t smoking it.
Me: It doesn’t matter. You smell like it. You have to leave.
Man: Fine. (leaves)

But my favorite time, it went like this:

Me: Sir, you smell very strongly of something illegal.
Man: Thank you. (leaves)

Thank you?

I’ll have the usual…

Hello everybody! Sorry I’ve been absent. Not that much crazy stuff has happened (well, that’s not necessarily true, but I there are some things that are just weird with no entertainment value.)

This post is something that my other blog audience loved: I took 10 minutes and made a list of all the drinks I start making as soon as I see their people walk in the door. So don’t fault your barista if she asks you 3 times if you want whipped cream. We’ve got a lot on our minds. 🙂 Enjoy!

* skim white mocha no whip

* medium decaf coffee

* triple medium breve

* double dark shot-in-the-dark

* large dark and a chocolate chip muffin

* medium mocha and bagel with butter

* a mocha frappuccino and a orangesicle smoothie. At 6:35 in the morning.

* large house blend

* two small lattes with whatever milk I have on hand (although last time it was a small and a medium, and that really screwed me up for a little bit)

* large house lots of room for cream

* chai breve extra hot

* medium latte around 135 degrees.

* orange juice

* Pepsi (then diet Pepsi when he gave up sweets, then water when he gave up pop for lent)

* triple iced vanilla americano

* triple iced vanilla latte with soy

* small filled all the way to the top with a bagel and a biscotti

* medium flavor with two pumps of almond and two almond sprinkle biscotti

* large flavor (and sometimes a large house for her friend)

* medium house with amaretto flavoring

* medium house with two pumps of chocolate (in a travel mug)

* medium house with sugar-free raspberry (also in a travel mug)

* medium mocha 2% no whip and a cinnamon crumb cake

* medium caramel latte whole milk with whip and a cinnamon crumb cake (strangely- for the same guy who ordered the drink above, but different employees bring it)

* small house (actually there are about four of those)

* small dark

* small dark (the nephew of the other small dark)

* as many cinnamon muffins as we have

* medium coffee with one shot of espresso

* double shot of espresso

* double shot of espresso, iced tea with one pump blackberry and two pumps raspberry, and a biscotti.

* dirty chai with soy

* medium mocha with soy no whip

* two medium decafs and a pastery IN A CARRIER!

* three shot small cappuccino

* medium whole milk cappuccino with honey

* English Breakfast tea with 2% milk (although sometimes a hot chocolate with whip)

* hot chocolate with whip AND CHOCOLATE DRIZZLE!

* vanilla chai skim extra hot

* small coffee in a ceramic cup

* varietal iced tea

* small decaf lots of room

* medium coffee in a ceramic cup with a bagel and cream cheese

* small coffee, a pastry, and a toasted bagel with cream cheese and jelly.

…and you’re probably as sick of this as I am!

Welcome to the mind of a barista. This is why she forgets if you want whipped cream or not.