Your own personal barista.

A woman was yelling, YELLING on her phone:

“You said you wanted coffee, so I’m at a coffee house! You could meet me here! I’ve got a barista! She’s, like, your own personal barista! Yeah! She’ll make whatever you want!”

Forget “your own personal Jesus,” Johnny Cash, what people want is their own personal barista!


Man: Where’s my friend with the pigtails?

Me: Um, I don’t know…

Man: With the pigtails!

Me: I don’t know him…

Man: It’s a her! With two pigtails! She works here!

Me: Maybe she works on the weekends. Do you usually come on the weekends…?

Man: No, I’m just here today. She has the pigtails!

Me: I’m sorry… I don’t know who you’re talking about…

Man: Will she be working later today? Pigtails? You know… black hair with pigtails!

Me: No, she won’t be working today. I don’t know who you’re talking about.

Man: Oh. Okay.

How Cell Phones Work (and why we won’t need them soon)

A 20-something-year-old guy ordered a coffee and caught up with a friend before coming to chat with me. I had to take notes as soon as it ended. Most of this is word-for-word:

Guy: How was your Thanksgiving?

Me: Great! How was yours?

Guy: Good. (pause) For me, it’s nothing about being grateful. All about the food.

Me: Really?! (laughs) Um… sure!

Guy: And it lasts for four days. I just eat for four days. And now I’m doing a three-day cleanse.

Me: Nice. Good luck!

Guy: Well, it should be easy, because the energies are all heightened in the cosmos right now.

Me: Yeah…?

Guy: Yeah! What with it being 2012 and all.

Me: Oh! Right…

Guy: They’re just swirling now. Getting really close. Don’t you feel it? The energy from the cosmos?

Me: Yeah…!

Guy: I mean, they’re getting closer and closer. We’re at the peak of our consciousness right now. Like cell phones. Cell phones are just symbolic of our consciousness connecting. You know? You pick up a cell phone and it taps into the collective consciousness that’s all around us. They’re a bridge between the mental, the physical and spiritual.

Me: Oh…

Guy: Soon, we won’t need them at all.

Me: Yeah…?

Guy: Yeah, we won’t need computers or a cell phones- just our minds. We’ll just be able to tap into the collective consciousness ourselves to communicate with other people.

Me: Wow. (pause) Do you think this will happen within our lifetime?

Guy: Oh yeah! In a just a few years!

Me: Well… that’ll be… cool!

Guy: Definitely. See you later!

Me: Bye!