Man: (puts the restroom key on my counter) How much fecal matter do you think is on that?

Yeah, I didn’t know what to say either. So I just smiled and said, “A lot.”

Iced coffee season

Lady: I’d like an iced coffee with just a splash of vanilla.

Me: Okay. (pours coffee) Do you want room for cream?

Lady: No.

Me: …And do you want just a little bit of vanilla or the regular amount?

Lady: Oh! The regular amount. And I’m going to put some milk in it, too.

Me: O…k.

Lady: I like lots of cream.


They’re called friends for a reason

Woman: Will you be working tomorrow?

Me: Nope!

Woman: Neither will I! Will I see you on Monday?

Me: Nope, I’ve got Monday off too.

Woman: Who’s taking your place? I hope it’s not that guy.

Me: I think it’s Dan.

Woman: Oh no! I hate Dan! He’s such an idiot!

Me: I think he’s nice.

Woman: He’s not nice! He’s a jerk!

Me: Well I like him. Have a good holiday!

Sheesh, lady! Don’t badmouth my friends!

Please just… don’t say that.

Me: Hi! What can I get for you?

Him: You don’t know by now?

Okay, buddy. First of all, I see you about once  per week. I recognize your face. I remember that once you brought a baby in here. But I see hundreds of people every day. Second, it’s Monday. Have a little decency. Third, you ordered a medium coffee. It is easily the least memorable drink on our menu. So no! I don’t know by now! If you want a list of regulars’ drinks I can rattle off from memory, go here.  I promise! I am a smart lady!

I’ll have the usual…

Hello everybody! Sorry I’ve been absent. Not that much crazy stuff has happened (well, that’s not necessarily true, but I there are some things that are just weird with no entertainment value.)

This post is something that my other blog audience loved: I took 10 minutes and made a list of all the drinks I start making as soon as I see their people walk in the door. So don’t fault your barista if she asks you 3 times if you want whipped cream. We’ve got a lot on our minds. 🙂 Enjoy!

* skim white mocha no whip

* medium decaf coffee

* triple medium breve

* double dark shot-in-the-dark

* large dark and a chocolate chip muffin

* medium mocha and bagel with butter

* a mocha frappuccino and a orangesicle smoothie. At 6:35 in the morning.

* large house blend

* two small lattes with whatever milk I have on hand (although last time it was a small and a medium, and that really screwed me up for a little bit)

* large house lots of room for cream

* chai breve extra hot

* medium latte around 135 degrees.

* orange juice

* Pepsi (then diet Pepsi when he gave up sweets, then water when he gave up pop for lent)

* triple iced vanilla americano

* triple iced vanilla latte with soy

* small filled all the way to the top with a bagel and a biscotti

* medium flavor with two pumps of almond and two almond sprinkle biscotti

* large flavor (and sometimes a large house for her friend)

* medium house with amaretto flavoring

* medium house with two pumps of chocolate (in a travel mug)

* medium house with sugar-free raspberry (also in a travel mug)

* medium mocha 2% no whip and a cinnamon crumb cake

* medium caramel latte whole milk with whip and a cinnamon crumb cake (strangely- for the same guy who ordered the drink above, but different employees bring it)

* small house (actually there are about four of those)

* small dark

* small dark (the nephew of the other small dark)

* as many cinnamon muffins as we have

* medium coffee with one shot of espresso

* double shot of espresso

* double shot of espresso, iced tea with one pump blackberry and two pumps raspberry, and a biscotti.

* dirty chai with soy

* medium mocha with soy no whip

* two medium decafs and a pastery IN A CARRIER!

* three shot small cappuccino

* medium whole milk cappuccino with honey

* English Breakfast tea with 2% milk (although sometimes a hot chocolate with whip)

* hot chocolate with whip AND CHOCOLATE DRIZZLE!

* vanilla chai skim extra hot

* small coffee in a ceramic cup

* varietal iced tea

* small decaf lots of room

* medium coffee in a ceramic cup with a bagel and cream cheese

* small coffee, a pastry, and a toasted bagel with cream cheese and jelly.

…and you’re probably as sick of this as I am!

Welcome to the mind of a barista. This is why she forgets if you want whipped cream or not.