Lady: I’d like an Americano, please. But with two long shots instead of regular shots.
Me: I’m sorry, our machine is pre-set so I can’t do long shots.
Lady: You mean you can’t pull them by hand?
Me: I can, but I have no way of measuring them since our shot glasses broke.
Lady: You… don’t have any shot glasses? At all?
Lady: It’s just all… so… mechanical…
Man: Can I have a medium chai with a shot of espresso? Oh! And can you put it in a large cup?
Me: Just to be sure- you just want a medium in a large cup, with space at the top?
Man: Yeah… I bounce when I walk.
A man tried to convert me to veganism today. Here’s how it went:
Man: Have you ever tried being vegan?
Me: Haha, no… I like steak too much.
Man: Just for a week! You could probably do it!
Me: Ha, I know I could do it, it’s just not really my thing.
Man: You should really just try it- I bet you could do it for a weekend.
Me: It’s not really a question of whether I could or not! I just don’t want to…
Even the Jehovah’s Witnesses just leave their Watchtowers on the bulletin board after one “No.”
Man: (puts the restroom key on my counter) How much fecal matter do you think is on that?
Yeah, I didn’t know what to say either. So I just smiled and said, “A lot.”
Lady: I’d like an iced coffee with just a splash of vanilla.
Me: Okay. (pours coffee) Do you want room for cream?
Me: …And do you want just a little bit of vanilla or the regular amount?
Lady: Oh! The regular amount. And I’m going to put some milk in it, too.
Lady: I like lots of cream.
“I’ll have an Americano with extra foam.”
I give a man his change…
Man: Is this one of those quarters from Africa?
Me: I… don’t think they have quarters in Africa.
Man: Since we got Obama, we do! Got a lot of stuff we don’t like!
Me: Oh… bye.
The homeless guys tried to give me cookies today.
I didn’t really realize it was strange until I told my dad and he started laughing.
Man: (as I’m getting his coffee) Something just came to me! From outer space! Do you know how to make radiation into electricity?
Me: Um… nope.
Man: It just came to me! Radiation is just radicals with no neutrons or electrons to chase! You need to find a neutron beam and beam it into the radiation and then that will turn it into electricity! Just beam that neutron light into the radiation! That just beamed down to me from outer space!
Man: Yeah, these things just come to me sometimes and I tell people and then it gets invented! I had stuff come to me about black holes and other dimensions and stuff. And now it’s a new science! It’s not me- it’s beamed to me.
A woman just asked me where the nearest Panera Bread was.
Come on, lady.