True coffee snobbery

Lady: I’d like an Americano, please. But with two long shots instead of regular shots.

Me: I’m sorry, our machine is pre-set so I can’t do long shots.

Lady: You mean you can’t pull them by hand?

Me: I can, but I have no way of measuring them since our shot glasses broke.

Lady: You… don’t have any shot glasses? At all?

Me: Nope!

Lady: It’s just all… so… mechanical…

No! Knives over forks!

A man tried to convert me to veganism today. Here’s how it went:

Man: Have you ever tried being vegan?

Me: Haha, no… I like steak too much.

Man: Just for a week! You could probably do it!

Me: Ha, I know I could do it, it’s just not really my thing.

Man: You should really just try it- I bet you could do it for a weekend.

Me: It’s not really a question of whether I could or not! I just don’t want to…

Even the Jehovah’s Witnesses just leave their Watchtowers on the bulletin board after one “No.”