Lady: I’d like an Americano, please. But with two long shots instead of regular shots.
Me: I’m sorry, our machine is pre-set so I can’t do long shots.
Lady: You mean you can’t pull them by hand?
Me: I can, but I have no way of measuring them since our shot glasses broke.
Lady: You… don’t have any shot glasses? At all?
Lady: It’s just all… so… mechanical…
Man: Can I have a medium chai with a shot of espresso? Oh! And can you put it in a large cup?
Me: Just to be sure- you just want a medium in a large cup, with space at the top?
Man: Yeah… I bounce when I walk.
A man tried to convert me to veganism today. Here’s how it went:
Man: Have you ever tried being vegan?
Me: Haha, no… I like steak too much.
Man: Just for a week! You could probably do it!
Me: Ha, I know I could do it, it’s just not really my thing.
Man: You should really just try it- I bet you could do it for a weekend.
Me: It’s not really a question of whether I could or not! I just don’t want to…
Even the Jehovah’s Witnesses just leave their Watchtowers on the bulletin board after one “No.”
Man: (puts the restroom key on my counter) How much fecal matter do you think is on that?
Yeah, I didn’t know what to say either. So I just smiled and said, “A lot.”
Lady: I’d like an iced coffee with just a splash of vanilla.
Me: Okay. (pours coffee) Do you want room for cream?
Me: …And do you want just a little bit of vanilla or the regular amount?
Lady: Oh! The regular amount. And I’m going to put some milk in it, too.
Lady: I like lots of cream.
“I’ll have an Americano with extra foam.”
I give a man his change…
Man: Is this one of those quarters from Africa?
Me: I… don’t think they have quarters in Africa.
Man: Since we got Obama, we do! Got a lot of stuff we don’t like!
Me: Oh… bye.