Woman: Have you ever had Russell Stover’s candy?
Woman: It’s good. Pretty good. And cheaper than a lot of candy.
Woman: I gave them the idea for that.
Woman: Yeah. For the sampler boxes. That was my idea.
Woman: I also gave restaurants the idea to put in free internet.
Woman: Oh yes. I just know how much people love their computers so I said, “Why not put the internet in restaurants?” To make restaurants more money- if they don’t mind buying the internet, that is. It was my idea.
Me: Wow, that’s awesome.
Woman: But somebody took a lot of money out of my account. A lot.
Me: Oh. I’m sorry.
Woman: Yeah. (leaves)
Hope you’re doing okay, Russell Stover’s lady.
Lady: I’d like an Americano, please. But with two long shots instead of regular shots.
Me: I’m sorry, our machine is pre-set so I can’t do long shots.
Lady: You mean you can’t pull them by hand?
Me: I can, but I have no way of measuring them since our shot glasses broke.
Lady: You… don’t have any shot glasses? At all?
Lady: It’s just all… so… mechanical…
Man: Can I have a medium chai with a shot of espresso? Oh! And can you put it in a large cup?
Me: Just to be sure- you just want a medium in a large cup, with space at the top?
Man: Yeah… I bounce when I walk.
A man tried to convert me to veganism today. Here’s how it went:
Man: Have you ever tried being vegan?
Me: Haha, no… I like steak too much.
Man: Just for a week! You could probably do it!
Me: Ha, I know I could do it, it’s just not really my thing.
Man: You should really just try it- I bet you could do it for a weekend.
Me: It’s not really a question of whether I could or not! I just don’t want to…
Even the Jehovah’s Witnesses just leave their Watchtowers on the bulletin board after one “No.”
Man: (puts the restroom key on my counter) How much fecal matter do you think is on that?
Yeah, I didn’t know what to say either. So I just smiled and said, “A lot.”
I give a man his change…
Man: Is this one of those quarters from Africa?
Me: I… don’t think they have quarters in Africa.
Man: Since we got Obama, we do! Got a lot of stuff we don’t like!
Me: Oh… bye.
A man grabs a biscotti out of a jar with his bare hands before I could offer to get it for him. Here’s how the rest of the encounter goes…
Man: Does this have nuts?
Me: (can’t see which kind he’s holding) Probably. They pretty much all have nuts.
Man: Oh. I don’t want nuts (tries to put it back).
Me: No! No! You can’t put that back, sir, because you’ve touched it! You’re going to have to buy it!
Man: Oh. Okay. (looks at other biscotti) Oh man, there’s the one I wanted- the Chocolate Almond.
Me: That has nuts too.
Man: Does it?
Me: It’s called “almond.”