Woman: Have you ever had Russell Stover’s candy?
Woman: It’s good. Pretty good. And cheaper than a lot of candy.
Woman: I gave them the idea for that.
Woman: Yeah. For the sampler boxes. That was my idea.
Woman: I also gave restaurants the idea to put in free internet.
Woman: Oh yes. I just know how much people love their computers so I said, “Why not put the internet in restaurants?” To make restaurants more money- if they don’t mind buying the internet, that is. It was my idea.
Me: Wow, that’s awesome.
Woman: But somebody took a lot of money out of my account. A lot.
Me: Oh. I’m sorry.
Woman: Yeah. (leaves)
Hope you’re doing okay, Russell Stover’s lady.
I give a man his change…
Man: Is this one of those quarters from Africa?
Me: I… don’t think they have quarters in Africa.
Man: Since we got Obama, we do! Got a lot of stuff we don’t like!
Me: Oh… bye.
Recently, a man has been coming in every day. Sometimes twice a day. An average conversation goes like this:
Him: Can I have a coffee?
Me: Sure. (gets coffee)
Him: You goin’ home to hubby?
Me: I will be soon.
Him: You go home to hubby. But don’t have no baby. Them babies cost 25,000 dollars.
Him: You make him good dinners, but don’t have no baby. No 25,000 dollars.
Him: Them’s Tom Selleck’s.
Him: See you later, (my name)!
Man comes in. He is least Asian-looking person I’ve ever seen. His native language is American English.
Me: I’m sorry?
Him: Do yeh tekosoirjs mon?
Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t understand you.
Him: Do you take Oriental money?
Me: Oh! Oriental money! No. No I’m sorry, we only take American money.
He leaves, disgusted.
Lady brings the paper up to the counter. Reads it while I make her coffee. I’m ringing her up.
Me: So that’ll be a coffee and the paper?
Lady: Oh no, I’m not buying the paper.
Lady: I just want to read it.
Isn’t that a little like saying, “I don’t want to buy the coffee, I just want to drink it?”
Found a five-dollar bill in the tip jar.
Tip: If you shout, “Can you break 100 dollar bill?” I will say no every time.