Nutty

A man grabs a biscotti out of a jar with his bare hands before I could offer to get it for him. Here’s how the rest of the encounter goes…

Me: Hi…!

Man: Does this have nuts?

Me: (can’t see which kind he’s holding) Probably. They pretty much all have nuts.

Man: Oh. I don’t want nuts (tries to put it back).

Me: No! No! You can’t put that back, sir, because you’ve touched it! You’re going to have to buy it!

Man: Oh. Okay. (looks at other biscotti) Oh man, there’s the one I wanted- the Chocolate Almond.

Me: That has nuts too.

Man: Does it?

Me: It’s called “almond.”

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Reward me!

A guy was digging in his pockets to pay for his coffee…

Him: Ow! My arms hurt. From protesting. You know, from carrying the sign and protesting.

Me: Oh! Wow. What are you protesting?

Him: I saved these two people from a car. It was a near explosion!

Me: That’s great! So… what are you protesting?

Him: I didn’t get no reward!

Me: Um… what?

Him: I didn’t get no reward! I saved two people from a near car explosion and didn’t get nothing for it!

Me: So you’re protesting the fact that you didn’t get a reward for saving two people’s lives?

Him: Yeah! There are explosions! Fires! Shootings! Everywhere! All over tv!

Me: I’m pretty sure that those people don’t all get rewards.

Him: (shrugs)

Me: Some people might say that saving two lives is its own reward.

Him: (shrugs) I guess so.

The more I think about it, the more I think he meant to say, “award.” At least, I hope so.